Scared I’m not going to do it. Can we talk about this? Writing the 2000 words for the past few days… it’s been so good! It feels really good. Can we talk about what exactly feels good about it?

K, so first, it’s a number. It’s a lot higher than anything we’ve ever shot for before, even during the brief flirtations we’ve done with NaNoWriMo. Achieving this number each day makes me feel like I ran about 6 miles in a nice steady rain. Virtuous. Clean. Calm. Productive. Like things are moving, and the motion is forward.

But it’s not just the number itself. It’s also the practice of focusing for that long on the book. It is the ups and downs of the writing session and seeing that they can be got through. It is the closer relationship I feel I have with the material, spending this extra time with it and trying to approximate something that could be called consistency.

So what’s wrong with the goal?

The word count is counterproductive if something other than writing needs to happen in that moment. And by needs I mean needs. Like yesterday when I was in my stuff and writing couldn’t happen and monsters, that’s just the way it was.

The word count is counterproductive and harmful when it allows me to think that I am in total control of this process and can bend and shape it to my will. I do not control all aspects of my life, and sometimes days and weeks go by when it’s just not possible. This morning B is up already, and she is watching cartoons, and I am going to try, but it just might not work out.

The word count is deceptive when I think just because I have X number of words it means I am X percent done with the book, because things might need to change and get re-written and this places too much emphasis on just getting done.

But so okay. Here we are, and I probably have about an hour. Could for sure make some tracks, let’s see how it goes. 123 go.