Well, the word count proved not applicable, since what was needed was to go over existing text and fit it into this chapter. I think the spirit of the word count law is to keep moving along, and I would like to honor that. Can I finish some semblance of Ch. 7 by the end of this week, Sunday? I would like to try in a relaxed, but-it-doesn’t-REALLY-matter sort of way.

Tea and Scrivener. Am I ready? Uhhh. Let’s see. It is Friday, no baby, I will have two hours to myself this morning while the kids are in preschool. Studies show that I am *less* motivated with more options to put it off. So like, I could open up Scrivener now and just kind of putter and not really do anything because I feel like I will have time later, but then I will also fritter away the time later and nothing will get done. This is where word count goals come in handy. Really I would like to spend…

this morning, pausing now and then to entertain the temptation to just plop down in a drift and eat some snow while staring off into space. Got about half the words as yesterday, but still: forward motion. It’s a good thing. What I want more than smooth and painless word counts is the feeling that I am a writer who writes– through thick and thin. So, a pat on the back and a third cup of tea and done with this for now.

including the possibly overly ambitious word count, finished with B on my lap. (Repeat after me: My self-worth has nothing to do with word counts.)

which is good. There are many many thoughts swirling, which is not as helpful. Focus! Love. You have exactly one hour. I would like us to write 1000 words. You know where to go and approximately what to say, just write them down, that is all you have to do. Don’t worry about all the other things, don’t write that email in your head, don’t rehearse the timing of all the things that need to be taken care of this morning, THERE WILL BE TIME FOR ALL THAT LATER. There is only time for this right now.

Little things. Trim my fingernails. There are now three emails I need to respond to. Board stuff. None of that applies here at 6:30 am, I did not draw on scarce reserves of self-discipline or whatever it was to get out of bed to answer email, or to worry about that. Feeling a little pressure. If I’m going to keep up with the chapter-a-week thing, I need to make tracks on Chapter 7 today. Let’s exert ourselves, but let’s also relax. Progress is progress. Any progress is better than no progress, and sometimes progress isn’t even visible. (But maybe today…

on the book in the middle of the afternoon. Things compete. Maybe I should take a nap on the floor. Maybe I should do some other ‘to-dos’. Maybe I should write out a long processing monologue on me and money and what does a right purchasing decision look like? How can one tell? Maybe I should give up an hour of my me-day to take the kids to the library. Or maybe I’ll just work on the book. If that is the case, then here is what I would like: I would like a solution to my thinking problem. Actually,…

2. Not only am I not motivated by money, I find money to be actually DEmotivating. 3. So, in this situation, what is motivating me to complete this work? Two motivational situations: what gets me to start, and what gets me to continue once I start. What gets me to start is the most mysterious/unpleasant. It is some sort of combination of fear/dread/shame/doom/not wanting to be flaky or let people down. What gets me to continue, once I’m in it, is the more or less happy hum of working with words. More specifically: I like to solve problems. More specifically:…