and I would like to do today what I said I was going to do yesterday. To that end, I will be CLOSING MY INTERNET BROWSER for the next hour, and not opening it. Hear that, Sarah? CLOSED. The Internet is closed to you until noon. Offline. Even for quick checks.

This particular thinking problem is TOO BIG and encompasses like, the whole book, and I can’t wrap my head around the whole book all at once, dammit. There are too many lost opportunities going on here. I need an entire WEEK all, all alone, with someone to bring me my meals, and a really long, conference-room length conference table (except: I don’t want to retreat to some abysmal convention center or something), okay, I want an ENTIRE WEEK up at the Buddhist retreat center and I want a hallway with a hallway-length whiteboard and windows looking out onto the pines.…

guess there’s no reason to announce that before it’s a thing, aye? But really, it is helpful to notice that reluctance to go in is not a character flaw but the part of my brain that lives in book world is acutely aware that we don’t know what to do next and so is less than motivated to get me there. I have not touched the books for months and months and then gone in and realized: oh! what is going on is I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO NEXT, that is all. Can keep me away for a long…

I did some planning, wrote out a map for the rest of Ch. 8, and THAT was a bitch. Constant distractions, which I succumbed to. Check the bank balance. Google the life cycle of fungus gnats, so I can develop a plan of attack for a couple of houseplants that have them. Make more tea. Look to see when I’m going to get charged for Daily Burn? Look at the upcoming bills. Contemplate whether or not I need to get something for Valentine’s Day. ARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhh But the book… the map for the rest of chapter 8, I am probably in…

Perhaps they can be bribed with cupcakes and movies to give me time to write??? It is Friday, we don’t have anywhere to go for once. I can probably give the book an hour if my bribes work, which they’ve seemed to for the moment. Let’s settle for a moment. Drifting down through layers of V-day bullshit, money thoughts, thoughts about “how little time I have” (that’s my favorite recording at the moment, would love to just shut that one off), how I just need to be able to “relax” but maybe that’s more of a state of mind? Relaxed…

Breathing. Okay. I think I left off writing at a spot where it’s going to be hard to have a 1000-word day, and that’s okay. I need to go back and see how I left that other thing at that other spot and try to remember how exactly this next part needs to go. Reminder, brain, THIS IS PART OF WRITING. No, it is not as trackable as words written. THAT’S OKAY. We can’t write if we honestly don’t know what to write next. (I know, I know, sometimes I just say I don’t know what to do next, when…